Yes. After this weekend, we will not have our usual weekend routine of sitting on the couch / mamak jumping, yelling, celebrating or screaming during matches regardless of the time. How to kill time? Here are my top 10 things you can do in this off season…

10. Learn a new language. I'd recommend Chinese. Mandarin tho, not the extremely rare dialects spoken only by the villagers in the mountainous outbacks cum cave dwellers, etc. Nothing beats the chinese.

 

9. Family time. They are the people who sit silently next to you when you watch the matches at home. It probably consists of someone you call Mum maybe even one you call sis. Yes, they actually belong in the same family as the two of your best footy buddies (Dad and brother). Take the time to catch up on what has happened for the last 9 months (they might have graduated, even been married) before they become strangers again in 3 months.

8. Sleep. In case you might have missed out on a lot of sleep, now is the time to catch up on it. Hibernate. Sleep. Do what it takes. You only have 3 months before it happens all over again. Try not to do it at work though…

7. Get involved with transfer speculations. Text your friend with undying loyalty and tell them their 'favourite player / Ronaldo (not the fat one) / Bramble' has signed on for the next x number of years. Better still, make it realistic and edit soccernet, capture screen and email it to them.  

'RAFA IN MAJOR TRANSFER SWOOP - Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez has swooped for Vicente, David Villa and Joaquin to challenge for the Premier League title'

Try not to be drinking / eating when looking at their reaction. Choking to death while laughing is not cool. You however might have to run fast before they club you to death with their bare hands.

6. Study. If you're a student, you now have 3 months to catch up with your studies. Just remember, 51 means you have studied too hard.

5. Buy a new tv. Reward yourself. You've earned it. You probably have blown the last tv from watching all the games so its time to get a new one. The hot tip is to just buy it, pay by installments and most important of all, DON'T tell the wife. Just buy it and dump the receipt. No exchanges, no problem.

4. Enrol in an anger management program. If you're anything like me, you probably have to buy some new stuff to replace the ones you have broken over the season. Best way to approach this is to enrol in this program. A course like this would probably would last 3 months. If its any longer, tell the instructor to F^#K THE HELL OFF!

3.  Commit a crime. Do something which keeps the adrenaline rush but comes with a light slap on the wrist. Murder, grand theft, not cool. We don't want to be available for parole when Rooney's finally decides to rejoin his boyhood club at the age of 40. Or Giggs winning his 30th league title. Wenger's probably still at Arsenal in a wheelchair and respirator. Go steal a Wigan jersey with Bramble on it. The cops might be laughing so hard they let you off the hook or pity you and pay for it. Or…

2. Go watch something that is just as exciting. If you're a Chelsea fan, you can watch lawn bowling. If you're a Newcastle fan, you can go to Tesco and look at all the stationary barcodes. Liverpool fans will probably be serving their community service over that period of time (likely due to streaking). I personally would recommend Hell's Kitchen or anything with Gordon Ramsay saying 'F^@k off you fat cow!'

*You've been a BAD boy Stevie!

1. Get a life. Get a date. Go get some. No, your right hand does not count. No, not even if you have a special name for it. Then again, theres always the fabulous town which might be the ideal getaway for most…